I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
