And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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