she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
