I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
