You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
