I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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