Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
