I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
