last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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