I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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