so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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