I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
