did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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