Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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