How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
