Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
