It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
