why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
