I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
