The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
