omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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