she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize