I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Text me some of your sweat
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
