Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
