She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
