Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
