woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
