Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
