I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
