Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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