things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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