We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
