i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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