There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
