3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
