guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
