maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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