3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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