Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
