checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
