This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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