so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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