turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
