Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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