The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
