We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
