there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
