1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
