i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
