All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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