Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
