nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize