Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
bring money and cleavage
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
