someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
wow bdsm is so cute
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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