i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
