My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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