just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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