Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize