CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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