eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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