He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
