There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
