dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
