You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
