Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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