I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i think i just lost a toe
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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