Just fell off a train. Bad.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
